Atoms: More Complicated Than They Have to Be

Why can't they just say "So the protons and neutrons hugs each other very tightly and a very tight ball, and the electrons run in circles around them like demented dogs."?

Dock Spider

Spiders are scary. We all know that.

Fucking scary. Oh yeah, easy.

The spiders 235 miles north of here that look like they were exposed to radioactive material as eggs?

Fucking. Terrifying.

And there was one in the window of the cabin Mom&Me we sleeping in when we were at psychotic-believes-i'm-inferior-"friend"'s house.

Me: "Holycrap there's a reallybig spider in the window!!!"

The thing was dead center in a really big web. Mom: [stares for a couple seconds] "Relax. It's dead. No need to worry."

The thing, after a couple of seconds, began ascending its web like a cannibal climbing a net in the Lego Pirates of the Carribean Wii game, and ducked out of sight to eat a few young children.

    
-Motaki, Spider Terrified

Update: This post was 5x as long until I drew a pic of the spider and forgot the rest of the article, and to put the pic on. So here it is.

UPDATE: Goddammit. I made a typo.

My Dream Job

I got back from this vacation today and my mom's friend up there was pestering me about which job I want my first one to be. No, that's not right. It's more "WHICH JOB DO YOU WANT YOURS TO BE BECAUSE I WAS WORKING WHEN I WAS TEN AND YOU MUST WORK TOO OR YOU WILL BECOME MORE INFERIOR." I'm already quite inferior in her mind to the girl she's known for four years tops (hello, eight years anyone) and you can't even get a job nowadays until you're 15/16.

Me: What. The. Fuck. Why is she doing this to me???

"Friend": "What do you want your first job to be?????"

Me: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME WHY THE FUCK DO I DESERVE THIS?????

"Friend": (not hearing mental shouting) "What do you want your first job to be??????????"

Me: [Stoic silence.]

But I could totally work at the Cabela's over in Rogers. Helloooo, as a cashier you get to touch the BIG $$$$$$$$ camping gear! Touch! It! Maybe even put it in bags!

~nirvana~

Omen

I have a strong interest in becoming a falconer. Or, as the proper word is for one who hunts with hawks, Austringer. I have two years until I hit Minnesota's minimum age to begin an apprenticeship, fourteen.

But you know what's weird? Two years ago, a large female redtail hawk perched on the railing just outside the downstairs window. I still remembered every detail of that bird, and we haven't seen another hawk since.

Until three weeks ago.

First, a redtail flew overhead with a mouse that was still shrieking. A week or two later, another redtail (maybe the same one) dived onto something in the (very game rich) swamp/marsh behind my home.

And today, something very, very dark colored went into the olive tree not even thirty feet from me when I was outside reading a book. It was much, much too dark to be a red-tail- it was a solid, unbroken nearly-black grey, unquestionably a raptor. I think it was a Northern Goshawk- rare in the Minnesotan metro area. I walked toward the tree and got within ten feet until I flushed it out- a smallish raptor, about twice the size of a kestrel, flew off towards some two-three hundred-yard-away trees.

Wish I had an apprentice falconer's license and another license to trap hawks, along with a nice Bal-Chatri trap and a rat for bait- could've seen what that falcon really was.

So when I get a red-tail when I turn fourteen, I'll probably make another blog to document my adventures with him/her. This blog will probably still get occasional update.

Until next time,

Motaki

Warning: I am going to attempt setting up some pages

This may epically fail. Watch out.

I'm On A High That Isn't Drug Related at 12:50 in the Morning

I am hyper. Extremely excited.

SCHOOL IS ALMOST FREAKING OVER.

and I killed FOUR subjects in online school today. Who's your mother, and what does she do? :D

But then since I don't want to finish math yet because it's confusing and I already sacrificed a fishing trip tomorrow (and the guy my mom and I live with is leaving at SIX THIRTY, he's gotta be going after something awesome) so I'll deal with stupid maths tomorrow.

And now mom wants to go to bed and I wrote 1350 words for a single chapter in this prequel I'm writing to my book and I haven't even hit the part the chapter is ABOUT!!!

I am about to be tortured slowly, by boredom. And I had to type "Boredom" five times before I gave in and let spellcheck slect "Boredom"- WHICH I TYPED AND IT REJECTED!!!

F-cking spellcheck.

And my mom is begging me to get off the computer but I was entertained by typing and read and shit... shit... shit.

Hey

In others news:

I downloaded Portal: First Slice and it won't let me enter test 11.

I am building a superstructure in Minecraft, my first- a frickin' huge White House. So far I have used 5000+ wool blocks- just for the base, and I'm not halfway done with the base.

I spawned some gold blocks to the top of the White House. I don't know why.

I played with my Painterly texturepack and now I'm confused by a few things. I'll get used to it eventually.

um.....

...































HOLY CRAP! I hit "." and then hit enter to make another line and it spammed like seventy of them! Holy fackkles.

I have successfully set up a pair of horse-corrals for the Mo'Creatures Minecraft mod and have seven black pegasi, one white pegasus, one nightmare, and one unicorn in each. :D

Care for some screenies of my giant base? These are old from yesterday- today's in much more impressive.

If you actually comment I will actually *go and get fresh screenshots*. They're infinitely awesomer...

"Mild ADHD Possible!!!" BAH on you, ADHD test...

That sentence has many openings for interpretation.

(1): Damning Mild ADHD Possible. Welcome to hell, motherf-er, you can make these stupid flaming baby head images for other damned people.

(2): Sarcastic Mild ADHD Possible. Somebody get this chick a bottle of brandy so we can give her a nice skullcrushing once she's drunk, because this thing is the cataclysmic disease, bitches.

(3): Celebratory Mild ADHD Possible. Congratulations!!! I'm so proud- no not really.

(4): Accusing Mild ADHD Possible. HOW DARE YOU?!?

I could go on for quite awhile, but that's enough for you to get the general idea.

(Why was I taking an ADHD test? I was bored.)

Lady's Gaga's Born This Way is pretty good

except I keep hearing the Minecraft Parody "Form This Way"'s words in my head instead of the actual song. xD

Plastic Rifle Cases Don't Work Well As Weapons, They Don't Intimidate Very Well

 Disaster

 You may see a very large incongruity between the name of this post and the content, but trust me, there is a unquestionable relationship.

My mom had just left for work like ten minutes ago. I was listening to Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" not very loudly, so I could clearly hear the door being fiddled with, and then opened.

So, as far as I knew, there was a total stranger burglarizing one of the bedrooms upstairs. The one directly above mine, by the way.

I was terrified, but not terribly so. I knew that there were a pair of deer-gutting knives (the guy my mom and I live with deer hunts, and so do I) in my closet. So I had defense.

I waited a bit, getting more frightened by the second. And then (I was conversing with one of my friends this entire time) I finally decided to fetch the knives.

There were supposed to be two boxes for hunting under the gun safe (which I do not have the key for). There was only one. Having forgotten what the look-difference between the deer box and the bird box was (I remembered that the bird box was mostly birdshot, so it was heavier), I dragged the big box out (these are metal, military-ish boxes) and struggled to open it. Fifteen to thirty seconds later, I was in.

I lifted the lid, fully expecting to see the white rope for dragging deer and a pair of pocket knife-sheaths on the side.

There were boxes of birdshot.

And that's when the shit really hit the fan.

Chaos

Oh, shit.

I was screwed. I lifted a box or two of birdshot hopefully, but it was just more birdshot.

I was so fucked.

And the mystery man was coming downstairs. Desperate, and presuming the Deer Hunting Box of Life Preserving to be in the gunsafe, I grabbed a plastic rifle case I knew had been empty. I had one last hope there was a rifle inside and I could put some birdshot in there and have a weapon, massive bruising to my eleven-year-old shoulder and birdshot-rifle incongruity be fucked.

The plastic case's only resistance to me was the way it was squished against the gunsafe and the wall of my closet. It was way too light to have a rifle inside.

Fuck.

So I pulled out the riflecase, and laid it against the bed. I hoped the guy could just take whatever the hell he wanted and then leave me alone.

I sort of hoped he'd leave the aquarium alone, but I could get another aquarium. The only fish I couldn't get another of is my five-spined stickleback, and he's a really mean fish anyway.

I heard the washing machine dial being turned. I'm like, "What the fuck?" (Note, I was extremely frightened, and very high on adrenaline [still am to a smaller extent], so I was swearing in my mind, I don't usually swear so profusely) and then I thought, "Well, it might be (guy my mom and I live with whose name I won't say), so I might as well..."

I immediately told two of my friends that if I didn't send them a chat message inside of the next ten minutes, they were to call the police. I don't really know how that'd work, since they live in Sweden and London, respectively, and I only after this incident gave my Swedish friend more details on where I live since I had verified her address with the handy Visitor Map feature on my statcounter account, but if something happened to me, I had no doubt my friends could figure something out, and intercontinental differences could go fuck themselves.

My dog bravely darted out the door, extremely certain that this was the guy my mom and I live with. She peeked in the laundry room, looked around the living room, and then went deeper into the laundry room. (This room is L shaped, with the shorter part of the L the entryway.) She reared up, and began frantically wagging her tail. I was fairly reassured by that, but came around the corner ready to whack with my plastic rifle case.

Confrontation

The mystery man wasn't in front of me close enough to whack; the guy my mom and I live with was attending to a large plant whose name I forgot at the end of the room.

My dog was trying to greet him, and I gave him a couple jabs with my plastic rifle case for good measure. 

"I don't think a plastic rifle case makes a very good weapon," I remarked coolly, right before giving him another jab and a few finger-pokes.

"Yeah," he agreed, before darting away from a finger-poke aimed at his ribcage, "I wasn't very intimidated when you came around the corner with a plastic rifle case."

Thanks, guy-who-my-mom-and-I-live-with. Thaaaaaanks.

It all started with the guy my mom and I live with. He got a blood test today. He took two hours off from work for this.


I thought he'd be home 2-10 minutes early. But he was home an hour early.

And I decided to include the conversation I had with my Swedish friend, with was by far the most interesting at the time.

Motaki: oh crapples

I was going to call home depot and fleetfarm to see if they carried marine plywood today, but now I'm frightened by what could be either my mom or a robber upstairs

or [censored], who was supposed to be a LITTLE early since he took two hours off for a bloodtest from work

-is frightened-

Sunniva: :o

im sure its ok

couldnt it be your dog?

or is she with you?

Motaki: -not so sure-

dog is right here

never upstairs unsupervised xD

-is bunked out in the bedroom with a locked door-

but hey, if bad guys come in here, there's a pair of deer-gutting knives in the closet

:D

(thinking, "If only I had the key to the gun vault..."

Sunniva: haha xD

Motaki: oh fuckshit

the deer hunting box is in the gunsafe, and THEY'RE DOWN HERE

Sunniva: o.o

are breakins common in your area?

Motaki: no?

....and the butcher knives are upstairs, crapshit

Sunniva: maybe you should just call out and ask who it is xD

Motaki: I have an empty guncase. :D

Sunniva: its probably your mom or [censored]

Motaki: ummm well, what if it is a creepy dude

mom or [censored] would've called out for me

:o

and I don't have a fucking cellhpone

>.<

It's awkward typing with a large riflecase under your right armpit

Sunniva: hehe

Motaki: ...is that the washing machine?

if I don't get back to you within ten minutes, call the police and figure something out, kay?

Sunniva: :o

Sent at 1:46 PM on Tuesday

Motaki: ...it was [censored]

xD

Sunniva: haha xD goood

pshhh tell him to call out when he comes home, jerkkk xD

Sent at 1:48 PM on Tuesday

Motaki: he says he did

apparently I took a deep breath that coincided with a loud note of Lady gaga's Born This Way when he said that

Sunniva: xD

sucks

Urban Dictionary said Strange Things about Me

	willow	183 up, 83 down
	buy willow mugs, tshirts and magnets Willow, character in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. With awesome witch power. Tried to destroy the world. Isn't Willow the best? by witchX Aug 24, 2003 share this
2.	Willow	147 up, 58 down
	buy willow mugs, tshirts and magnets the nicest girl you will ever meet, except when you piss her off. She is the person i really care about but she doesn't know it Willow is so beautiful by First Breath after coma Mar 23, 2005 share this
3.	Willow	128 up, 55 down
	buy willow mugs, tshirts and magnets A girl who is an absolute sex goddess. That girl I was with last night was an absolute Willow! goddess sex goddess hottie cutie sensual by Rocket Rider Nov 1, 2006 share this
4.	Willow	63 up, 8 down
	buy willow mugs, tshirts and magnets She's got a way to make you smile and warms any heart of stone, making it glow like a star on an indigo night. Her humor reaches in and tickles your soul and you find yourself falling completely under her trance. She's curious, smart, wise and has a sixth sense about people. Willow is someone who will be etched in your heart, mind and soul forever. Willow: someone who every man would drop to his knees for. willow godess comedian wise unique by thedevilspirate Feb 4, 2010 share this
5.	willow	72 up, 49 down
	buy willow mugs, tshirts and magnets verb: The act of placing an unwanted child in a makeshift raft and sending it downriver. As seen in the 1988 film. "Hey... I hear Jessie finally did the right thing and willowed that little shit kid of hers, bout time!" "Jeez Chad, I just don't know what do do about our newborn... my fathers going to kill me when he finds out!!!" "Easy babe, just willow that shit." abortion willowed willow'd willow'ed abandonment abandon abort by greanspam Aug 31, 2007 share this
6.	Willow	93 up, 73 down
	buy willow mugs, tshirts and magnets To be suspected as wanting some girl on girl action; to be flirty with the girls; to be gay Kat: She's more than a little Willow don't you think? Sare: I think you're right. She's got Rosenberg written all over her. by Sahara Oct 4, 2003 share this
7.	willow	5 up, 1 down
	buy willow mugs, tshirts and magnets an out of the world amazing girl!she is beautiful! that willow! what an amazing girl ...Okay, what about my last name? ...practically perfect in every way with a heart of gold. Truly fantastic, amazing and loves 'bandcamp' ...Should I be charmed? xD __________________________________ And there's a fricken huge mosquito in the overhead light even though Minnesota isn't supposed to have mosqi's yet. DIE, MOTHERFUCKING MOSQUITO.

Huge Laugh-worthy conversation I had with one of my friends

(We were talking about a book I'm writing, and this may seem to not make sense- look to the previous person's replies for an answer)

Sunniva: xD

whatever you choose

but i mean

how old are lakotas kids?

i think

if you consider

 

Motaki: I could do a prequel someday and have him constantly hatin' on Israphel and Ferinus for killing her

well

 

Sunniva: i think it would be strange if hes like 400 years old

and suddenly has like 5 kids

 

Motaki: WELL

I mentioned in the chapter they waited a very long time to have children

and then it's like

"Shit, we waited so long... oh crap, you're pregnant? WHAT? wtfwtfwtf"

I imagine Kamots was sort of an accident, and then they just fell into step

at the time of their parents' deaths

 

Sunniva: hahahha xD

 

Motaki: Kamots was ten, Wyakin was seven, Motaki was five, and Nyssa was three

 

Sunniva: yeah, we had one, why not a few more?

 

Motaki: xD

 

Sunniva: 10 kids later~~~ CRAP WHAT TO DO WITH ALL OF THESE BABIES

 

Motaki: XD

avi

you made my eyes water

seriously

xD

Eh, let's have anoth- HOLY FUCKSHIT TOO MANY BABIES

 

Sunniva: haha xD

xD

hahhaha

 

Motaki: WHAT DO WE DO WITH THEM ALL

TOO

MANY

BABIES

 

Sunniva: xD

 

Motaki: "welll fuckshit.. we drowned in babies. no more babies."

 

Sunniva: hahahhaha xD

"yeah, i think it might be time to... WTF WHERE ARE THEY ALL COMING FR.. ~gurglegurglechokehack~" ~silence~

 

Motaki: xD

time to?

shove some babies off the boat or make moar babies?

xD

 

Sunniva: stop making babies xD

Word of the Day: Derpessing

How it was invented: A typo of 'depressing' with one of my friends in Google Talk.

Definition: Excellent word to shatter a serious mood.

Hail to the Statcounter!

HAIL!

 :D

I Was Bored, So I Made A Picture

It's very crappy.

Good luck making sense of that =D

Actually, it says:

O hai thar!
Wazzap?
Not much?
Well, too bad.

NEW LAYER

'Cause I'm writin'
On your crappy
Picture
Do you have any-
thing to tell me?

NEW LAYER

No?

SUFFER
THE
CONSEQUENCES

Why, World of Warcraft, WHY?!?

Okay, so I opened up a new character (a Tauren Druid for the fellow WoW players out there) on WoW to circumvent the l.20 cap on the trial yesterday.

Today, I tried flying (via the travel thingy) to Orgimmar and I consistently crashed in that city.

I tried making an Undead Warrior, but then I was like "meh" and WoW was like "I PWNT YOU, BISH" and I was like "I WILL BE BACK LATER" and WoW was all like "AND I'LL STILL PWNT YOU, BISH!!!"

Conclusion: I have a new goal in life: PWNT WoW!!

The Epic War of the Golden Coin

You know what else happened to me today?

I had an epic war with a gold coin. Y'know, the $1 gold coins.

I have four - no wait, five, I lifted a piece of paper- coins of this type on my desk that are easily findable. Three were in plain sight, snuggling each other under a textbook.

I took them out and promptly began to try to balance them on their edges.

Two of them were extremely cooperative. The third, however, refused to work with me.

I tried my left hand.

I tried my right hand.

I tried bracing with one hand and balancing with the other.

Nothing worked.

I fought with it a bit more, and then I felt like going....

(THAT is a crappy MS Paint'd pic of me with red eyes, pink skin, exorcist-like hair, creepy hands, a mysteriously appearing pink dress, and crappy lightning bolts in a apocalyptic sky.)

Hated Thing O' the Moment: World of Warcraft's Trial Level Cap

What the HELL, Blizzard, WHY ARE YOU SCREWING ME OVER ON MY TRIAL?!?!??

I get so proud of myself for getting to level twenty in two and a half days, and then you're like "Ohai thar! I'm your exp bar and I'ma gonna stay here at 16/whateverever!!! Have a nice dai!!! :D"

WELL FUCK YOU, LEVEL CAP.

FUCK. YOU.

And you have to make me feel like a failure- not a pure f*cking pwner by being at 95112/95113 (or whatever the level 21 xp goal is), but no.

You're at 16/95113 (or whatever the hell it is.).

YOU HAVE FAILED ME.

Thing Of The Moment: School

Rating: 10/100, NOT AWESOME

Hey! Hey there! You therez! School!

Stop holding me back from stuff I wanna do! Stop boring me to death, and stop torturing me.

Kthx. Short posts = win :D

Notification: "Thing Of the Moment: _________" Posts May Appear Soon

And if they do, they'll have a bio of a certain thing and a overall rating. Some of these may not make sense, so I will give you a Legend thingy here.

0-10/100: This is a SERIOUS EPIC FAIL. Avoid at all costs. Attempt to murder the creator at EVERY CHANCE, but don't try too hard or get too close since they're EXTREMELY HORRIBLE.

11-20/100: Minor EPIC FAIL, Major FAIL. Has hopes of redemption. Stalk creator every living moment to convince them to try to improve it. If they don't, kill 'em.

21-30/100: Mild FAIL, Extremely BAD. Try to avoid but use if no other options are present.

31-40/100: Not really bad. Use sparingly, so you don't lower your standards.


41-50/100: Seriously, it's not so bad. Go ahead and use it occasionally, for occasions when the shit really hits the fan.

51-60/100: Hey, go ahead and use it semifrequently. The way you use a portable gas stove when you go camping. For extended periods.

61-70/100: Oh hey, go ahead and used it often! =D It's pretty nice and slick!

71-80/100: This is a item of exceeding coolness. Try to encounter at all costs. But don't strain yourself- it's not quite worth that.

81-90/100: Use this very often. This is a extremely cool item. Strain a little bit to encounter it.

91-100/100: This is a really freaking AWESOME item, you must strain yourself to SEE it, YOU MUST LIVE TO SEE IT.

Special Ratings

Good Stuff

SUPER DUPER FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!/100: Precisely what the name says. Strain to touch at ALL COSTS!!

Lord of the Rings, God, God's Crown/Tiara and the Core of Epicness rolled into One/100: SO HYPER FACKKING AWESOME THAT YOU SHOULD DIE TO SEE IT, SINCE SUCH EPICNESS WILL BE GUARDED. OR NOT.

Bad Stuff

Inventing the Tenth Circle of Hades to Put This Thing Into Doesn't Even Begin to Remotely Get in the Arena of Justice/100: Run away from the damned thing, burn everyone with a flamethrower that even THINKS of the Damned Thing without the subject of "I MUST DESTROY THIS MOTHERF*CKER!!!". Generally reserved for things like periods, lag, etc.

____________________________________________________

And there you have it.

THIS IS SO WRONG!!!

Okay so I have to RANT about something, like really bad!

The night light in the bathroom burned out a week or two ago. For most people, this would be a minor occurence.

For me, it's the FRIKKIN' END OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!

And yes, the ! spam was necessary.

Now I have to leave the AQUARIUM light on all through the night so I can have a semblance of self-security because I am MORTALLY FRIKKEN TERRIFIED of the dark.

And then I have to go to the bathroom during the night. What an adventure this is.

I put on my slippers (without socks, having them on makes me feel secure about how I will TOTALLY EPICALLY PWN any mouse that runs across my foot, although I'd probably scream like a little girl since I'm only 11 and girls under 20 can scream like that and get away with it) and then creep into the hallway. The aquarium light keeps everything pretty bright, and I'm like "Wow... this is nice!"

I peek into the bathroom. Guess what?

IT'S TOTALLY FUCKING DARK AND I SWEAR I JUST HEARD A SHOE INSIDE THERE.

I immediately flip on the light, blind myself, look behind the door, in the closet, and I even glance behind the toilet.

No rapists.

I walk out, look at the fish, stare at the fish, look behind the fridge for rapists (it was pulled out since we'd been painting the room, it got moved back that same day), look at the living room connected to the quasi-kitchen, note how nicely it's lit up, and then stride down the hallway again.

I flick off the light (totally dark now- rapists might be coming), run back to bed, jump in, take off my slippers and toss them against the wall in the general direction of my dresser-thing, and then fight with mom for a spot.

This is just the first time. For some weird reason (maybe cos I was so excited) I had to go to the bathroom again. This time I got to say hai to my dog since she was out there.

Can't remember if there was a third time.

Ohai.

Okay, so hello.

I'll jot down stuff here periodically, just probably random stuff. I'll try to be sort of comedy-ish, like the Hyperbole and a Half blog.

M'kay, so, see you later :D

-Motaki